Six Foot Column of Meat Pies
Have you ever heard something in passing, and thought to yourself, "Why, that sounds interesting, but I don't know much about it - I'll look it up later on Google"? Well it happens to me all the time. Natural curiosity I guess, and with Google you can pretty much find anything - that is, anything that actually exists. In fact I located a long-lost high-school sweetheart, and eventually married her, through Google ... now she calls me "Mr. Google" ... but that is another story.
What does it mean when you go to Google, search on your keywords, and turn up absolutely nothing? I mean, ZERO hits? Doesn't even make the list? Doesn't even show up on Google Trends?
Shortly before Thanksgiving last year, I was driving my stepson to school. While en-route, he likes to punch the radio buttons like crazy, veering wildly from station to station. In between Led Zeppelin on one station, and Black Sabbath on another, this phrase popped out: "Six foot column of meat pies". I tried to grab the button and turn back to that station, because wow, how could I pass up the opportunity to see something like that? Hey, I've seen James Brown, the Grand Canyon, and the Eiffel Tower, but I've never seen a column of meat pies, much less one that is taller than me!
But we were too late - we didn't know what station it came from, and the commercial or whatever it was must have finished, before we could scan enough stations to find it again.
Now where would you find a column of meat pies? A bakery? A restaurant? Surely it is some local business with a Thanksgiving promotion, I thought. And if they are advertising on the radio, it would certainly be on the Internet. I just hoped I wouldn't find thousands of meat pie dealers, and be unable to tell which one put out the commercial on our local station!
So, as you must have guessed, when we got home I Googled it. Nothing. OK, so there must be a couple of days of lag time - so I tried a few days later. Still nothing. "Six foot column of meat pies, six foot column of meat pies, six foot column of meat pies ..." say it over and over, and you get into kind of a chanting, conga-line rhythm, that you might find stuck in your head. Every week or so I would check Google again. Every month. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. How could this be?
My stepson was forming a rock band, and they needed a name. "How about 'Six Foot Column of Meat Pies'?" I suggested.
Then one day I tried using the numeral 6, instead of the word "Six". Don't know why this never occured to me before - and besides, doesn't Google handle this kind of substitution automatically? I know it checks alternate spellings and puts in singular when you mean plural ....
Well finally the mystery is solved. No, there is no local bakery or restaurant specializing in meat pies. Nobody in this country even eats meat pies (well, almost nobody). It was a news story, originating in England (who could have guessed that?), with the headline "My six years of agony over a meat pie". And what's worse, it turns out the "column of meat pies" wasn't really six feet high at all - it was 1.8 meters! Try doing a conga-line to that.
As disappointed as I am, since I now realize I will likely never actually see a six foot column of meat pies, I can at least console myself with the thought that Google will eventually pick up this article. Then there will at last be something to find, if there is any other poor soul out there still looking!
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On 2009/01/12 at 11:35 AM, the author added this Followup:
Within 15 hours, Google came through. Searching on "six foot column of meat pies" (including the quotes) now points to this page.
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On 2009/01/15 at 1:46 AM, the author added this Followup:
How fleeting is fame. Three days later, and my same Google search turns up empty again.
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On 2009/01/27 at 7:42 AM, the author added this Followup:
Well, whaddya know. My Google search hit is back. And I turned up on Technorati.
What does it mean when you go to Google, search on your keywords, and turn up absolutely nothing? I mean, ZERO hits? Doesn't even make the list? Doesn't even show up on Google Trends?
Shortly before Thanksgiving last year, I was driving my stepson to school. While en-route, he likes to punch the radio buttons like crazy, veering wildly from station to station. In between Led Zeppelin on one station, and Black Sabbath on another, this phrase popped out: "Six foot column of meat pies". I tried to grab the button and turn back to that station, because wow, how could I pass up the opportunity to see something like that? Hey, I've seen James Brown, the Grand Canyon, and the Eiffel Tower, but I've never seen a column of meat pies, much less one that is taller than me!
But we were too late - we didn't know what station it came from, and the commercial or whatever it was must have finished, before we could scan enough stations to find it again.
Now where would you find a column of meat pies? A bakery? A restaurant? Surely it is some local business with a Thanksgiving promotion, I thought. And if they are advertising on the radio, it would certainly be on the Internet. I just hoped I wouldn't find thousands of meat pie dealers, and be unable to tell which one put out the commercial on our local station!
So, as you must have guessed, when we got home I Googled it. Nothing. OK, so there must be a couple of days of lag time - so I tried a few days later. Still nothing. "Six foot column of meat pies, six foot column of meat pies, six foot column of meat pies ..." say it over and over, and you get into kind of a chanting, conga-line rhythm, that you might find stuck in your head. Every week or so I would check Google again. Every month. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. How could this be?
My stepson was forming a rock band, and they needed a name. "How about 'Six Foot Column of Meat Pies'?" I suggested.
Then one day I tried using the numeral 6, instead of the word "Six". Don't know why this never occured to me before - and besides, doesn't Google handle this kind of substitution automatically? I know it checks alternate spellings and puts in singular when you mean plural ....
Well finally the mystery is solved. No, there is no local bakery or restaurant specializing in meat pies. Nobody in this country even eats meat pies (well, almost nobody). It was a news story, originating in England (who could have guessed that?), with the headline "My six years of agony over a meat pie". And what's worse, it turns out the "column of meat pies" wasn't really six feet high at all - it was 1.8 meters! Try doing a conga-line to that.
As disappointed as I am, since I now realize I will likely never actually see a six foot column of meat pies, I can at least console myself with the thought that Google will eventually pick up this article. Then there will at last be something to find, if there is any other poor soul out there still looking!
---
On 2009/01/12 at 11:35 AM, the author added this Followup:
Within 15 hours, Google came through. Searching on "six foot column of meat pies" (including the quotes) now points to this page.
---
On 2009/01/15 at 1:46 AM, the author added this Followup:
How fleeting is fame. Three days later, and my same Google search turns up empty again.
---
On 2009/01/27 at 7:42 AM, the author added this Followup:
Well, whaddya know. My Google search hit is back. And I turned up on Technorati.
posted by Tom Warfield at
5:29 PM
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